We all love our kids, but let’s face it, sometimes we just need a break. A night out with friends or a loved one can be such an important reset. Not only is it important to work on those relationships, but it’s a chance to have some fun being you, not a parent. But what can we do if our children have high needs? If our kiddo has problem behavior, we can’t just ask the neighbor to watch them for the night. Let’s talk about the concerns around leaving our child with someone, how to find a skilled babysitter, and some options if a babysitter isn’t available.
Fear of Leaving our Children
Every parent has concerns about leaving their kids at home with a babysitter. Will they act up? What happens if they get hurt? Is the babysitter going to know what to do?
I can tell you from the number of backwards diapers that have been put on my kids that, no, babysitters don’t always know what to do. But at the end of the day, if our kids stay safe, those little things don’t really matter. So I have to deal with a small issue in the morning. Ok! It’s worth it to get some time.
But what if it’s a bigger deal than a backwards diaper? What if your child has aggression or has a meltdown if you aren’t the one to put them to bed? Obviously, this creates a little more difficulty, but there are ways around it.
One thing we highly recommend is planning a night out that starts after bedtime. Yes, we know that having the energy to go out late can be a challenge, but wouldn’t you rather go out a little tired than not at all? Plus, you never know, maybe once you’re out in the world, having fun, you’ll get a second wind!
The reason why we like this idea so much is because it minimizes the requirements of the babysitter. If you know that your child is a good sleeper, then the babysitter is there just in case. You don’t have to worry about how skilled they are. And you can have a plan if, for some reason, your child does wake up.
A Good Babysitter
Finding a high quality babysitter is no easy task whether your child has special needs or not. It can be a daunting task to find someone you trust. Here are a few ideas:
Family
It can be hard to ask family members because you don’t want to be an imposition, but they can be an incredible resource if you have them around. Don’t think you are imposing on them. If they don’t or can’t watch your kiddo, they won’t. Family is a great option because they know your child. Maybe they don’t know all the things you do, but the familiarity is super helpful. Lean on them. It takes a village!
Start with a Playdate
Maybe you don’t have family around or perhaps they are busy so you need to find someone else. We love the idea of starting the relationship with a babysitter by inviting them over for a playdate. That way, you can spend time with both the babysitter and your child for a while then leave them alone for a bit. You can stay in the house and observe or just be around in case there are issues.
Maybe this only needs to happen for a short time or maybe you’ll need to do it a few times, but having someone create a relationship with your child before you leave them alone together can make all the difference.
Go to the Professionals
As more and more people are diagnosed with autism, more and more people find their way into the field of working with these kiddos. It’s easier than ever to find people who have practical experience working with kids on the spectrum.
Places like care.com and sittercity.com have specific resources for kids with special needs. Your ABA provider and autism facebook groups might even have some recommendations for you. Just keep in mind that your RBTs and BCBAs can’t watch your child outside of their work hours as that would conflict with the ethical guidelines set forth by the BACB.
Help Each Other
In doing research for this blog, it became very clear that finding a sitter is a HUGE problem for a lot of families. Keeping that in mind, if you have someone you love and trust to watch your child, ask them if it is ok to share their information with people in need. While that might mean your go to sitter is busier than they used to be, you would be doing a lot of good in sharing their time.
Other Options
Maybe a babysitter isn’t in the cards, but there are other ways to get child care. Look for Parent’s Night Out at places you frequent.
Places like We Rock the Spectrum have regularly scheduled nights out that are pretty cost effective and even offer 1:1 care for children who need it (at a slightly higher rate).
A religious institution may also be a great option if you have one that you trust. Often, they serve special needs students in their youth programs, and they may have nights out already scheduled on their calendar.
More and more, companies are becoming increasingly inclusive. If a place you love doesn’t offer events like this, just ask! Maybe they just haven’t thought about it!
At the end of the day, it is important for you to take some time for yourself and for your adult relationships. You will be a better parent and a better partner. So while it may be a challenge and require some footwork, keep at it because if you find a babysitter you can trust, it will be totally worth it!
If you need more ideas or more help, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. That’s why we’re here!